


It'll Be Okay

by citation (WannaDay)



Category: Produce X 101 (TV), The Unit: Idol Rebooting Project (TV), UNIQ (Band), X1 (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slow Burn, [edit] AFTER produce too :), mbk boys looking after each other, pretty much seungyul's journey before and during produce, seungyul being lowkey parents to dohyon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2020-06-25 19:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19752325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WannaDay/pseuds/citation
Summary: They both had things in common. A yearning for the stage that they had missed dearly. A desperation for survival. And now, each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is lowkey my way of pouring out all my emotions, thoughts, worries, love, and everything for Cho Seungyoun and Lee Hangyul.
> 
> Also taking this opportunity to tell you guys about Seungyoun and Hangyul before they joined Produce :)

Cho Seungyoun was used to the unexpectedness of life.

Because that was what life kept throwing at him. Things he wouldn’t expect. Things he didn’t want to expect. Sometimes good things. Sometimes bad.

* * *

He was a student in Brazil, pursuing a career in soccer. Still at the tender school age, Seungyoun picked up the language and was damn good at the sport itself. He studied and played hard in a Youth Soccer team. Years passed by like that.

Homesickness took a hold of him easily. Moving to a foreign country was never easy, but he missed his country more than anything. It was to the point that he would borrow the computer of his soccer team’s dorm for hours, sometimes even a whole day— just to download an episode of Music Bank.

In front of the computer screen, he would watch idols perform on stage. They sang and danced and rapped. He found it all comforting and consoling. Not only did it help ease his homesickness, but it also brought about a feeling that he didn’t expect.

A feeling of wanting to stand on that stage himself. To perform on that stage.

The feeling continued to grow until he was certain of it.

Seungyoun then returned to Korea with the dream of becoming a singer.

It wasn’t easy. His mother suggested that he continue studying first, to learn English first as well. And so he did, moving to Philippines and enrolling in an international school.

A year later, he returned to Korea once again, more determined than ever. But of course, things still weren’t easy. He auditioned to several companies, tasting rejection over and over again.

After a while, YG Entertainment took him in. And that was when things started to kick off.

Through a collaboration of YG and Yuehua Entertainment, Seungyoun debuted with Uniq.

Debuting tasted as sweet and felt as exhilarating as he thought it would. Standing on stage in front of a cheering crowd was as beautiful as he had dreamed— maybe even more so. He felt alive. He felt whole.

He didn’t expect things to come crashing down just years after that.

Due to circumstances beyond their control, Uniq’s comeback was postponed. Temporarily.

But time passed and it was as if the word “temporary” had been engraved in stone. Eventually, Seungyoun and his members sought their own ways to continue their music careers.

Yibo became a dance mentor for Produce 101 back in China. Wenhan joined the second season of Idol Producer. He wasn’t the only one joining a survival show, as Yixuan joined one too. They both made it into the final lineup, both debuting.

Seungyoun continued to make music. It was nice, he thought. He continued to do what he loved— still singing. Still rapping. He released songs as a solo artist and produced songs with his friends too. It was great.

It was...

_(He missed the stage.)_

It really was...

_(He missed it so much.)_

* * *

Throughout the past few years, survival shows were a big thing.

His friends back at YG had debuted through survival shows. Seungyoun was fully in Yuehua by the time the second season of Produce 101 started. He had even coached the trainees that would appear on the show, helping them choose the right song for the company evaluation.

“You’ll do great,” he had told them. “I know you will.”

After Produce 101, more survival shows popped up. One by his former company, and one by KBS that was aimed for debuted idols that needed a second chance.

It was called _The Unit._

Just for the heck of it, he had opened the survival show’s website. He clicked through pages, eventually scrolling through the application page.

_It was just for the sake of his curiosity._

He closed the page and shut his laptop. He was just curious, after all.

But the attraction of survival shows was evident. Which was why one by one, the members of Uniq had taken the opportunity when it came to them. Seungyoun had watched them leave, flashing his bright smile and wishing them the best of luck.

He tried to ignore the pang in his chest.

When the opportunity to join the new season of Produce 101 appeared, Seungyoun took it.

It was ironic, really. Two years ago he was coaching trainees that were joining the show. He even wrote one of the songs for Idol Producer— what people labeled as the Chinese version of Produce 101.

And here he was, as a trainee.

It would be a lie if Seungyoun said he wasn’t nervous or even slightly terrified. He had been comforted by the thought that he would have his leader by his side throughout the mess. They would have been a formidable pair of Yuehua trainees. But unfortunately, Sungjoo was unable to join even if he wanted to.

Did Seungyoun expect something like this to happen? To be in a survival show like this? Maybe not. Maybe he had only the slightest clue that something like this could possibly happen. But here he was— and determined to do his best.

* * *

Meeting Lee Hangyul was unexpected as well. But it wasn’t unexpected in a bad way. Not at all.

Watching the MBK trainees walk onto the stage in front of all the other trainees and trainers, Seungyoun had paid close attention. He needed to know who could be his potential teammates, and at the same time his potential rivals.

There was something about Lee Hangyul. He carried himself calmly, as if he was used to speaking and performing in front of a big audience.

Seungyoun would afterwards find out the reason for that. But the trainee had already caught his attention by then.

* * *

The two of them clicked.

Seungyoun had always been the talkative and social butterfly type of person. Hangyul seemed to easily befriend the other trainees as well. By the time the show’s promotional activities started, they found no discomfort being cramped in the back of a bus together.

Now that all the trainees wore their uniforms, everything felt more real. More official. This was all really happening.

It was clear that everyone was nervous to meet the national producers. But Seungyoun also had always been the type to lift other people’s spirits, to bring about the energy into the room.

“Kinda feels like a school trip,” Seungyoun commented, his eyes on the window. He watched the streets pass by. “I feel young again.”

Sitting on his left, Hangyul let out a laugh. “You’re not that old, hyung.”

“You know,” Seungyoun mumbled, glancing at his new friend. Hangyul stared back at him curiously. “When I first saw you, I thought we were around the same age. I actually thought you might be older than me.”

Another laugh. Seungyoun decided that Hangyul had a nice laugh.

“Yeah, hyung. I get that a lot.”

“How about me? Do I look older or younger than my age?”

“Well, you look—”

“Oh wait, Timothee’s gonna get his photo taken. Let’s photobomb him.”

Hangyul reacted quickly. As Seungyoun leaned to the right in the direction of the camera, Hangyul did the same, their shoulders brushing against each other.

The camera flashed and they fell back into their seats.

“You look youthful,” Hangyul finished.

Seungyoun smirked. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Hangyul had glanced up. “Oh, Kookheon-hyung’s gonna get his photo taken.”

Without a word, they photobombed again.

* * *

“Let’s get a lot of rest. We’re gonna burn the stage tomorrow.”

At Sihun’s words, the Love Shot members nodded and cheered. They gathered their things as Sihun turned off the lights of the practice room. The night air was cold when they stepped outside, making their way to the dorms.

With the almighty power of Keum Donghyun, Seungyoun and Hangyul were in the same team for the first evaluation. They had practiced hard and all that was left was to perform.

“You look happy.”

Seungyoun was snapped out of his giddy daze as Hangyul nudged his side.

“You look happy,” Hangyul repeated. “Excited for tomorrow?”

“Oh.” Seungyoun realized that he must have been smiling widely. He was _actually_ going to perform again. “Of course, I’m excited. Super excited. It’s been a while since I stood on stage. I miss it a lot. How about you?”

They continued to walk as Hangyul seemed to think. The other boys were a little ahead of them, but Seungyoun didn’t mind. He had slowed down his pace, wanting to take his time.

Hangyul finally answered, “It’s been a while since I stood on stage too. I mean, as the main performer. After my first survival show, I was on stage as a backup dancer for quite a few times. But it’s a different feeling from when you’re the main focus— singing and dancing.” A grin made its way to his face. “I missed it too.”

“Actually, I was asking if you were excited. But I guess the question works both ways.”

“Oh. Whoops.”

Seungyoun grinned. “Like I said, it works both ways! Thanks for telling me how you’re feeling, though. Found out that we both have something in common.”

“But I _am_ excited. Really excited.”

“Glad to hear that.”

A comfortable silence followed, filled only with their footsteps and the sound of crickets in the distance. They were nearing the dorms.

Seungyoun suddenly had a thought. “Hangyul.”

“Yes, hyung?”

“Does it feel like The Unit?” Seungyoun asked. “Being surrounded by debuted idols like me and Wooseok?”

Hangyul hummed, thinking again.

Seungyoun had found out that Hangyul was a participant in The Unit. That was why he appeared so calm when talking and performing in front of so many people. He had the experience.

He also found out that Hangyul was _so close_ to making it into the lineup. Ranking 13th place in the final episode, Hangyul was only four ranks away from debuting.

And here were the both of them— Cho Seungyoun and Lee Hangyul— both on their second survival show. They had more things in common than they thought.

At the sound of his name, Wooseok had glanced over his shoulder. “Hm? Did someone call me?”

“Hey, hyung,” Hangyul greeted.

Halting in his steps, Wooseok fell back from the other boys till Seungyoun and Hangyul caught up with him. He threw his arms around the both of them before he continued walking. “Now you got me curious.”

“I was just asking Hangyul if being in Produce feels like The Unit,” Seungyoun said. “Cuz we got awesome debuted idols like you and me.” He giggled at his own words.

“Aww,” Wooseok cooed. He glanced at Hangyul. “What do you think?”

“There are differences,” Hangyul answered. “I used to be one of the youngest in the entire show, but here I am now being one of the oldest. It’s...” He paused as he tried to find the right word. “...Interesting being one of the old guys surrounded by kids.”

“Hey, you’re three years younger than me and Seungyoun,” Wooseok said. “If you’re old, then what does that make us?”

“Ancient,” Seungyoun whispered dramatically.

“Also, the debuted and non-debuted trainee ratio is very different,” Hangyul continued, holding back a smile. “The debuted idols are just a very small portion here. But in The Unit, I was completely surrounded by debuted idols. It was a little surprising, really. I had seen a lot of them previously on TV or the internet. But there they were, in front of my eyes and talking to me.”

Chuckling, Wooseok ruffled the younger boy’s hair. “You mean you got starstruck? But our Hangyulie is also an idol. Right, Seungyoun?”

“Righto. You’re part of the already-debuted squad too, Hangyul.”

“Technically, yes.” Hangyul was looking up now. There were a few stars out, spread across the dark vast sky. “But at heart, it doesn’t really feel that way. One song. One music video. One performance on a music show. That’s all me and my members got before we joined The Unit.” He then glanced down again. “But I liked it. That small yet fleeting taste of debuting. And I miss the stage a lot too. The stages I had on that survival show... the cheer of the crowds... I wanted to hear and see it all again.”

Seungyoun’s heart was racing now. He glanced at Wooseok, whose full attention was on the younger trainee.

“Even after The Unit and I performed as a backup dancer, I felt happy,” Hangyul continued. And he was grinning now, his eyes seeming to slightly glow with glee. “Even before I debuted, I did a lot of backup dancing and that already made me happy. Being on stage makes me feel—”

“Alive,” Seungyoun and Wooseok finished at the same time, overlapping Hangyul’s voice that said the exact same word.

They all blinked in surprise and stopped walking, but they knew that they shouldn’t have been surprised. Of course. Of course they all felt the same.

“Happy too,” Seungyoun then said.

“Exhilarated,” Wooseok added.

“Alive, happy, and exhilarated,” Hangyul concluded. “Yeah, that sums it all up.”

They stared at each other for a bit, as if reading each other’s thoughts. The other boys had already gone a far ways ahead.

Seungyoun was the first to burst out laughing, eyes crinkling into crescents. The conversation itself wasn’t funny, but he was just _glad._ So glad that they were on the same wavelength, sharing similar feelings and thoughts. Wooseok began to chuckle and Hangyul was grinning widely.

They stayed like that for a good few seconds— like three giggly school boys who had shared a wonderful joke. But they eventually calmed down and Wooseok cleared his throat.

“Well,” Wooseok said. “Now that we saw each other’s determination, let’s really do our best for tomorrow’s performance.”

Seungyoun threw his arm up, his hand in a fist. “We’re gonna win! Keumvengers will win!”

Keum Donghyun, who had already reached the steps of the dorms, suddenly whirled around. His older members were far away from him, their arms around each other.

“Did someone call me?” Donghyun asked over the distance.

“Donghyun!” Seungyoun yelled back. “You really created a freaking amazing team!”

As expected and in accordance to Sihun’s words, they burned the stage and won the round.

There was the joy of winning and also the joy of performing on stage itself. It was amazing. And Seungyoun knew that this was what he always wanted in his life.

And the fact that he was sharing the joy with others... it felt better than ever.

* * *

Eliminations were something that all trainees dreaded but looked forward to at the same time.

Of course everyone wanted to know how far they had progressed. How far they rose.

But at the same time, trainees also found out if they fell, survival falling out of their grasp.

As they all waited for the announcements, Hangyul and Dohyon sat in front of him. Seungyoun could see the tenseness in their shoulders. This wasn’t their first eliminations. Nor was it Seungyoun’s first either.

He was the first of them to be called— ranked at #28. As Sihun’s arms wrap around him in a hug, Seungyoun could feel his heart swelling with joy. He had started with his rank at #67, but now he was soaring. Higher and higher.

Hangyul had turned around in his seat, stretching out a hand to him, the biggest smile on his face. Seungyoun took the younger trainee’s hand in his, feeling Hangyul happily shake it a few times. 

A few ranks later and Hangyul joined him. He would sit on the 21st seat.

They were rising. Slowly, but surely.

But eliminations were eliminations. This was a survival show. Seungyoun was the only survivor from Yuehua while MBK lost one of their trainees, Yeongsang.

With the bitter thought of the next eliminations, Seungyoun carried on.

* * *

Seungyoun and Hangyul were in different teams for the second evaluation. That was expected, since he knew that the younger trainee would go for the dance position. Hangyul must have been aware of Seungyoun’s choice too— the latter had been a Show Me The Money contestant, after all.

He also expected that there was a high possibility that he would be in the same team with Hangyul’s labelmate, Dohyon.

Just like them, Dohyon also had experience in a previous survival show. The boy knew the weight of expectations, of the pressure, of the terrifying moments that came with survival shows. But Dohyon knew how to cope with all of that. And despite his young age, he was good at it too.

Seungyoun felt pride well up in his chest as Dohyon finished his freestyle rap. This kid could really go far.

* * *

“Seungyoun-hyung, wait!”

Hearing a familiar deep voice, Seungyoun whirled around. He had been on his way back to the practice room where his teammates waited for him.

Hangyul was running down the hallway towards him, black hair bouncing as he ran. He had dyed it from brown to the color it was now.

“Hello, center boy,” Seungyoun greeted. Hangyul had bent over, breathing in a bit of air before he stood up straight again.

“I wanted to tell you something,” the younger trainee said.

“What is it?”

“Please take good care of Dohyon for me.”

“Hm?”

“He may be mature for his age, but he’s still a kid, after all. I can’t help but want to make sure he’s doing okay.”

Seungyoun found himself smiling. “What are you, his dad or something?” Chuckling, he leaned over and patted Hangyul on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. From the very beginning, my intention was to take very good care of him. You can trust me.”

Hangyul smiled back. Seungyoun felt his heart do a weird flip in his chest. “I know I can. Thanks, hyung.”

“Right...” Seungyoun glanced over his shoulder, to the direction of the practice rooms. “I— I guess I should head back.”

“Okay, me too. Good luck with practice, hyung.”

“You too.”

They were both heading their separate ways when Hangyul spoke again.

“Hyung!”

“Yeah?”

Both having bad eyesight and not wearing their glasses, they could barely see each other clearly from across the hall. But through the blurriness, Seungyoun could vaguely make out Hangyul pointing a finger in his direction.

“You might not be the center for this performance,” Hangyul said. “But I’m sure you’ll stand out eitherway. You always do.”

_Ah, he must be pointing at my leader sticker,_ Seungyoun thought. He tapped his own chest, where a center sticker could have rested on but didn’t. But that was fine. Dohyon deserved the position, and Seungyoun could trust Hangyul’s words. He could trust himself.

“Thanks, Hangyul!”

“You’ll be center one day. I know it.”

“I trust you!”

Although he couldn’t see it, Seungyoun was sure that Hangyul was smiling. The younger trainee then gave a little wave before continuing down the hall.

Seungyoun watched him leave before heading back to the practice room. He opened the door, flashed a grin at his teammates and said, “I’m back! Let’s try practicing with the music this time.”

* * *

The trainees were temporarily moved to homestays due to unforeseen circumstances at the dorms. They had gotten used to the comfort of bunkbeds but quickly got used to sleeping on the couches and floor mattresses too. It felt like a sleepover. It felt comfy.

In their room, the Yes or No team had called it a night and was in the midst of getting ready for bed. Seungyoun was washing his water bottle at the sink, Dohyon and Jaehun were unfurling the mattresses, while Seongyeon distributed the pillows and blankets.

Suddenly there was a knocking sound. Seungyoun quickly dried his hands and made his way to the door, opening it.

“Hi, hyung.”

Lee Hangyul stood in the doorway, still in his practice clothes. His hair was still damp with sweat.

“I see you’re working hard as usual,” Seungyoun observed. “You should get some rest too, you know.”

“In a bit. I just thought I’d swing by and say hi.” Hangyul then stood on his tiptoes, glancing over Seungyoun’s shoulder. “And I wanted to check on Dohyon.”

“He’s doing great,” Seungyoun said, sidestepping to reveal the view inside the room. “More than great, actually. He isn’t called a musical genius for nothing.”

Dohyon was already on his feet, running towards them. “Hangyul-hyung! How’s your leg?”

“Dohyon wanted to check on me too,” Hangyul said with a tiny grin.

“You should have told me earlier that you got injured,” Seungyoun mumbled. He glanced down, seeing the cast still wrapped around Hangyul’s left ankle. Remembering the first time he noticed Hangyul limping, Seungyoun could feel his chest tightening.

“It’s fine, hyung.” Dohyon had reached them and Hangyul began to ruffle the younger boy’s hair. “It’s _fine,_ Dohyon.” He then added jokingly, “You’re not causing any trouble for Seungyoun-hyung are you?”

Dohyon shook his head, his eyes cast downwards too. “Hyung, I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be. I’ll be able to perform.”

“But you’ll be doing acrobatics and—”

“—I’ll be landing on my right leg,” Hangyul cut in. “And I’ll land safely. I’ll be fine.”

But not worrying was an impossible thing to do. Seungyoun knew these kinds of injuries. They would last for weeks. And they were painful, especially when pressure was applied to them.

He wanted to lecture Hangyul on how an injured person should rest and not move too much. He could go on and on about that. Yet he knew that Hangyul was very much aware of what should be done, but had chosen to practice and push himself all the same. Seungyoun couldn’t blame him. Everyone was on the survival show for a reason. Everyone was working to their limits for a reason.

Even so, it hurt Seungyoun to see the younger trainee in that state. He couldn’t just stand by and do nothing.

“Come inside,” Seungyoun said. “You should sit down for a bit.”

The homestay wasn’t equipped with much, but it had a little more than the dorms provided. As Seungyoun prepared two cups of hot chocolate, Dohyon let out a yawn and nuzzled deeper into the blankets.

“You sure you don’t want any, Dohyon?” Seungyoun asked, one last time.

“M’fine, hyung,” Dohyon mumbled. He was barely awake. “G’night, Seungyoun-hyung.”

Seungyoun smiled fondly. “Goodnight, Dohyon.”

Dohyon poked his face out of the sheets. “G’night, Hangyul-hyung.”

Hangyul answered from across the room. “Goodnight, Dohyon.”

Jaehun and Seongyeon were already asleep by then, with the latter clutching onto lyrics written on paper.

Dohyon began to doze off as Seungyoun carefully carried the cups towards his makeshift bed (aka couch). It would be a disaster if he tripped on one of the boys scattered about the room.

“Here’s your order, sir," Seungyoun announced quietly, to where Hangyul was sitting on the couch with his injured leg stretched over it. “Enjoy.”

“You were the one that offered,” Hangyul said with a laugh, the volume of his voice also low. He gratefully took the cup and leaned back against the wall. “Thanks.”

Seungyoun sat down beside his friend. It was cramped and he did his best not to bump his foot against Hangyul’s ankle. “So how’s Finesse team doing?”

Hangyul took a small sip before answering. “Everything’s great. Everyone’s ready. We just have to not be nervous when we perform.”

“As do we all,” Seungyoun said with a smile. He drank a little, letting the warmth of the hot chocolate spread across his body.

“Everything going well with your team, hyung?”

With a nod, Seungyoun proudly replied, “Everything’s great. Everyone’s ready.”

“That’s great.”

“It’s a new feeling altogether, though,” Seungyoun then said. “I guess I could relate to you. I’m one of the youngest in Uniq, but here is almost everyone calling me ‘hyung’.”

“Hyung,” Hangyul immediately said, to which the other immediately rolled his eyes. “Like I said, I was one of the youngest in The Unit. I used to have only a handful of younger kids to tease, but here I have tons more.”

Seungyoun chuckled at that. “Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I joined The Unit. We could have met two years earlier. I could have met a 17-year-old Hangyul.”

Now it was Hangyul’s turn to laugh. “But I like it this way too. Meeting you here on Produce out of all places.”

“Quite a crazy place to meet,” Seungyoun said.

“Very.”

“You know. I worked on one of the songs for The Unit.”

Hangyul blinked in surprise. “Really? Which one?”

“ _Always._ Do you remember that song?”

It looked like Hangyul was going to drop his cup and spill everything and possibly burn their legs. (Thankfully he didn’t). “Of course I know, hyung!” He looked more than shocked. “That song won the round for The Unit girls!”

“Okay, okay,” Seungyoun said with a laugh. “Not too loud, now. You’re gonna wake up the kids.”

“Well, you couldn’t have been a contestant for The Unit when you’re busy making a song for it.”

“You do have a point there.”

“That’s crazy, hyung. There you were, popping up in my life even before we met.” Taking another sip and shaking his head as if to shake off the surprise, Hangyul seemed to calm himself down. His gaze had landed on the sleeping Dohyon, who was lightly snoring. “Well, I’m glad me and Dohyon took the opportunity and came here.” Then his gaze was on Seungyoun again, and all Seungyoun could see was pure sincerity. “Really, hyung. Thanks for taking care of him when I can’t be there for him.”

“Dohyon’s a good kid. Like you said before, he’s very mature for his age.”

Hangyul had a proud look on his face. “He is, isn’t he?”

“Yup. So you don’t have to worry, really.”

“He’s eating well and resting well, right?”

“I make sure he does. He’s still a growing boy, after all.”

Hangyul leaned heavily against the wall, letting out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

Maybe Seungyoun’s mind was more fatigued than he thought. Maybe the hot chocolate was making him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But the conversation felt surprisingly domestic and Seungyoun suddenly found it hard to look Hangyul in the eyes.

“I think I should get some sleep,” the younger trainee then said. “And the others might be wondering where I am. Thanks for the drink.”

Seungyoun would have to worry about his scattered thoughts later. “Do you need help getting back?”

“Nah, the injury’s not that bad. You need to get some rest too.”

Although Seungyoun felt reluctant, he nodded. The other boys were still fast asleep, so the two of them carefully maneuvered their way to the door without accidentally stepping on someone’s face.

“Goodnight, hyung.”

“Goodnight, Hangyul. Be careful on your way back.”

It was harder to watch Hangyul leave this time, walking in a way as to not apply pressure on the injured ankle.

* * *

The room exploded into cheers as Hangyul landed cleanly on his feet.

Dohyon stood up, both hands on his heart, breathing out the biggest sigh of relief.

Finesse team was performing. In the waiting room, Seungyoun’s eyes had been fixed on the screen that broadcasted the live footage, but he had glanced at Dohyon a few times. The little boy’s face, although excited at the performance, had been filled with fleeting looks of worry. And when Hangyul jumped into his acrobatic flip, Seungyoun swore he heard a sharp intake of breath.

But as promised, Hangyul did land safely on his right foot. Dohyon plopped himself back into the seat, breathing easily now.

After the performance ended, Dohyon was clapping so hard that Seungyoun wondered if his hands hurt. He didn’t miss the little boy’s glances in his direction, as if gauging his reaction.

Seungyoun himself was clapping hard, feeling both relieved and proud.

And there was something that Seungyoun could confirm about the two MBK boys. They may not be the type to openly show their affections towards each other— especially with physical contact such as tight hugs or even blatant words of love. But they immensely cared for each other, and that itself was obvious. They worried for each other and cared for each other in their own subtle, special way.

Seungyoun smiled at the thought. The MBK boys had each other’s back through thick and thin. That comforted him.

He wondered what Dohyon and Hangyul went through together, and he thought about what they were _currently_ going through. Saving a company, after all, was a heavy burden on anyone’s shoulders.

But Seungyoun was sure. He was sure that Nam Dohyon and Lee Hangyul could save MBK.

* * *

Hongdae was crowded at this time of day, but that didn’t stop the three of them from spending time together.

Away from the training grounds and dorms, it was a breath of fresh air literally and figuratively. Instead of the same hallways and practice rooms, they were surrounded by the bright lights of buildings and the chattering of crowds. Replacing their usual uniforms were casual, comfortable clothes. It was nice to be able to talk freely, to laugh freely without all the cameras.

Seungyoun threw an arm around Hangyul’s shoulders as they walked. Han Seungwoo was beside them, talking about the most random things that popped in his head.

“So let me get this straight,” Seungyoun said, after Seungwoo had finished his little anecdote. “One of your members was doing a Vlive broadcast and you kept barging into the room and scaring the shit out of him.”

Seungwoo grinned. “Yep.”

“And then he decided to give you a lesson and chased you all over the building.”

“Uh-huh.”

“ _While_ still doing the Vlive broadcast.”

“It was a wild day,” Seungwoo confirmed with a nostalgic sigh.

Hangyul stifled a laugh. He then stopped in his tracks, eyes focused on a café they were about to pass by. “Whoa. Is that a parrot on that man’s shoulder?”

The two older boys halted too, following Hangyul’s gaze.

Seungwoo looked amused. “Oh wow, I think it is.”

Sitting on the outdoor chairs of the café was a man, and perched on his shoulder was a colorful bird of some sorts.

As if they had all the time in the world, as if they had no worries in their minds, the three boys spent a good few moments staring at that parrot. People might think that they were wasting time like this, but doing seemingly unimportant and insignificant things together was both calming and enjoyable.

_Yup,_ Seungyoun thought. _This is definitely healing time for us._

Dongpyo joined them afterwards, sticking to Seungwoo’s side like glue. With the sun set, the four of them continued their little adventure in Hongdae.

They walked through the streets, visiting shops along the way and pondering about what snacks to eat. It was fulfilling to be doing all these normal, everyday things— knowing that they had performed well and, as the new episode had aired, the whole world was watching their performances too.

Eventually the night fell too deep and Seungwoo had to take Dongpyo home. With an arm around the little boy’s shoulders, he waved at his two friends.

“Bye, Seungyoun-hyung!” Dongpyo said, raising a hand and waving too. “Bye, Hangyul-hyung!”

“Don’t get lost,” Seungyoun replied.

Seungwoo laughed. “See ya, guys!”

Hangyul waved back until the two of them disappeared into the crowd. He then turned to Seungyoun, eyes bright behind his glasses. “Should we walk around for a bit before heading back?”

“Your company doesn’t let you out till late at night, huh?” Seungyoun asked.

Shaking his head sadly, Hangyul answered, “No. It was hard for me to get permission just to hang out with you guys.”

“Damn. And here I am, a free spirit.”

“I envy you.”

“Nah, you shouldn’t.” Seungyoun nudged his friend’s side. “Let’s get something to eat before going home.”

They set out again, glancing at the restaurants and cafés as they passed by. The streets were crowded with pedestrians and buskers alike. Seungyoun saw a variety of busking— from dance covers, live guitar performances, and people singing along to music accompaniment.

There was a certain group of performers that caught Hangyul’s attention. It was a band— complete with drums, electric guitars, and a keyboard. As the sound of instruments blended in the air, Hangyul stopped walking to watch them.

“They’re good,” Seungyoun commented, halting beside his friend.

“Yeah...”

Seungyoun found something off with the tone of Hangyul’s voice. He glanced at the younger trainee, whose gaze was fixed on the performance.

It was a fleeting moment, but he swore he could see a hint of longing in Hangyul’s eyes. And perhaps, just a tinge of sadness.

Feeling the stare, Hangyul blinked and glanced at him. He pulled on a smile before turning back to the band. “They’re really good.”

There was one certain thing that Seungyoun had noticed about Lee Hangyul.

It was how Hangyul wasn’t the type to show his vulnerable side. While trainees broke down and cried due to the pressure of the survival show or the overwhelming emotions, he had never seen Hangyul cry even once.

Had he even seen Hangyul getting teary-eyed? Or even looking sad before this? Even once? He could only wonder.

Hangyul had said before that he had no worries. He might have even appeared to be fearless. But Seungyoun knew better than that. After all, Hangyul was human just like him. Just like everyone else.

There was this weird pang in Seungyoun’s chest. He bit his lip and focused on the band again.

The music continued, the crowd gathering even more. Hangyul had slowly lifted his hands, fingers lightly pressing the air, following the beat of the song. As if he was playing an invisible instrument.

_Oh._

“You play piano?” Seungyoun asked.

Hangyul’s hands froze for a bit, as if he had been caught. But he nodded before resuming his nimble movements. “Yeah.”

"Me too. And guitar."

"Really, hyung?"

"Yup."

"Wow. Is there anything you can't do?"

"Don't flatter me." Seungyoun then added jokingly, "You know what? We could just ditch the idol life and start a rock band together."

"Now that you mention it..." Hangyul was silent for a bit, wondering if he should say more. “I used to be in a band. A rock band, I mean.”

Seungyoun found himself smiling. “Really?”

“Yeah. I was on the keyboard. Keytarist sometimes. Would you believe me if I told you I was supposed to debut in a rock band?”

“Whoa, really?”

“Really.”

Now _that_ surprised Seungyoun. “Aren’t you too good of a dancer to be in a rock band?”

“Well,” Hangyul said, and the compliment put a smile on his face. “We did all sorts of things. It was great. We were great.”

There was a slight pause as Seungyoun took in the information. “What do you mean _‘were’?”_

He knew what to expect as an answer. But it didn’t soften the blow to hear it.

“Our debut kept getting pushed back,” Hangyul said. There was only a faint smile on his face now. “It kept getting pushed back until it just wouldn’t happen anymore. It’s kind of a long story, hyung, I dunno if you’ll want to hear it.”

“I do.”

Hangyul’s hand froze again, and this time he put them down. They hung limply at his side. He turned to Seungyoun.

“I do,” Seungyoun repeated. “I really do.”

Hangyul stared at him some more, as if examining him. Their eyes locked, Seungyoun was vaguely aware of his own heart pounding hard against his chest. Since when did it start doing that?

“Alright.” The music continued as Hangyul calmly took in a deep breath, as if preparing himself. “I was supposed to debut years ago. But that kept getting pushed back. I finally _‘debuted’_ —” Hangyul made quotation marks in the air with his fingers as he said the last word, “—two years ago with IM. The funny thing is, IM was a subunit of the main band that I was supposed to officially debut in later. But we never got to debut in the end.”

Maybe Hangyul tried to hide it— but Seungyoun could clearly see the disappointment in the other boy’s eyes.

“But it’s alright,” Hangyul said. “Life just works that way.”

_It’s not alright,_ Seungyoun thought. _How could it be alright?_

“Even so,” he replied, “it must have been hard on you guys. I hope that after all this, you can finally debut together with them.”

Hangyul was silent for a bit. He finally answered, with a soft voice, “It _has_ been years of waiting. Some of the members decided to leave— both the band and company.”

It felt like Seungyoun had been stung. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Well, I don’t blame them. Nor am I angry at them for leaving. It’s understandable.”

“But you stayed.”

There was the tiniest of smiles on Hangyul’s face. “Yes,” he said. “I stayed.”

“And now here you are, saving the company that put you through all that.”

Seungyoun could understand the feeling of being given promises, only to have those promises broken. Of waiting and waiting and wondering what would happen next. The feeling of holding on even after years have passed.

But people always found a way to hold on, right?

Hangyul was watching the band again, but it looked like his mind was elsewhere. “When Dohyon joined the company, I had a lot of thoughts running in my head. He looked so young and innocent and I didn’t want him to feel the disappointment that I felt throughout those years. I didn’t want him to feel any sense of hopelessness. I didn’t want him to feel any burden.” He then glanced at Seungyoun again. “But here we are.”

The melodies came to a halt as the band finished their song. A quick silence filled the air before the small audience clapped, and the performers bowed gratefully. Hangyul clapped along, eyes lingering on the keyboard. Again, he was lost in thought.

Hangyul had spoken calmly, almost devoid of emotion. But under that hard, tough exterior, Seungyoun could sense both the worry and hurt that Hangyul had kept hidden.

Seungyoun wanted to comfort him. To reassure him that everything would be okay.

But Seungyoun couldn’t even reassure the same things to himself. _No one_ could reassure themselves that everything would go according to their hopes and plans. Because that was life, wasn’t it? Everyone wanted to fulfill their dreams. Everyone wanted to make it through, to debut in the final lineup. But there was never any guarantee of that success. There never was.

Even so, Seungyoun didn’t want to see Hangyul burdened like this. Hurt like this. So he opened his mouth, ready to speak.

Hangyul beat him to it.

“Seungyoun-hyung.”

“Yeah?”

“Is the food at YG really that good?”

Seungyoun blinked, words of comfort dying in his throat. “Wh-What?”

“People are always saying that the food at YG is really good and I was wondering if all the hype is true.”

It took Seungyoun a full five seconds to process Hangyul’s question. It was so sudden and random that he felt like laughing.

And he actually _did_ laugh a little. With an amused grin, he stared at his friend. “Well, the last time I ate there was years and years ago. I can barely remember. And the food back in my trainee days could be different from the food they serve now.”

“Hm.”

“But from what I _do_ remember... Yeah, it’s pretty good.”

The emotions were back on Hangyul’s face. Curiosity. Even fascination.

Hangyul may look a lot older than his age, but he really was a kid at heart. Small things like this amused him. Seungyoun had realized that a long time ago.

“Well,” Seungyoun then said. “The food at YG may be good, but I can cook some pretty good food too.”

“You can cook?”

“And damn good at it too. You should come by my place sometime and I’ll cook for you.”

“Sounds great.” Hangyul then paused a bit, as if thinking seriously. “Let’s just hope I can get the permission to go.”

“Ah, right. Hard to escape the MBK dorms, huh?”

Hangyul laughed. “There was this one time when my friend called me, telling me that he didn’t have any money but he wanted me to treat him to a meal. I would have, but I wasn’t allowed to leave the dorms.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him that I wasn’t allowed to leave the dorms.”

“Okay.”

“I also told him that I’d throw my credit card out the dorm window for him.”

“Lee Hangyul, what the fuck.”

Hangyul laughed again. “He said he was hungry! I didn’t want him to starve. But he called me an idiot after I said that.”

“Gee, I wonder why.”

“Turns out that he was recording for his reality show, and he was just doing a challenge. He’s a funny hyung.”

Seungyoun was laughing too. He nudged his friend’s side. “You’d go that far. Should I be jealous of this hyung?”

“I would do the same for you,” Hangyul said without even a second of hesitance, as if throwing credit cards out the window was the most natural thing to do. “That hyung... He’s Hojung-hyung of Hotshot and UNB. We were in The Unit together. He redebuted with IM’s maknae, Kijoong.” He paused for a bit. “And the funny thing is, it kinda feels like déjà vu.”

“Déjà vu because it’s your second survival show?”

“A bit more than that. Kijoong was years younger than me. Tall, cute kid with chubby cheeks. Very talented. I’d always see him sitting up high in the ranks during elimination rounds, and I’d feel so proud and happy for him.” Hangyul was smiling again. “I guess me being here with Dohyon reminds me of when I was with Kijoong in The Unit. I guess...” He then hesitated to speak again, trailing off.

_There he goes again_ , Seungyoun thought. _Hiding his worries. Hiding the things that he fears._

“What is it?”

Seungyoun asked gently, not wanting to sound invasive, not wanting the other boy to feel forced to tell him. But he wanted Hangyul to know that he was there. That he was ready to listen to anything and everything.

And that Hangyul didn’t have to carry his burdens alone.

The younger of the two let out a small breath. “Kijoong made it into the final lineup of The Unit and debuted in UNB. And I guess I’m afraid I won’t be by Dohyon’s side when he debuts through Produce.” Now that it was out, he seemed to breathe a little easier. “Just like how I wasn’t able to be by Kijoong’s.”

A soft melody reached their ears, soaring through the crowd. The band had begun playing again. This time it was a gentle, slow song.

“But I _did_ get to share the stage with him,” Hangyul continued. “For UNB’s comeback, me and two The Unit kids were backup dancers. We performed together on music shows. It was great.” He laughed a little. “People may think that being a backup dancer isn’t that glorious, but we all really had fun. The fans even included all our names in the fan chant. We even took promotional photos together and were in the music video together.”

Hangyul’s gaze had softened. He looked more relaxed as he recalled the fond memories. It made Seungyoun smile.

“And,” Hangyul said. “I got to open most of the performances. I got to stand in front, do my little acrobatic moves and have the audience and camera focused on me.”

“I think your position was a bit more than a backup dancer,” Seungyoun said with a chuckle.

Hangyul laughed. “Perhaps. But what made me happy was that I got to stand there with all of them. And especially, with little Kijoong. We’d finish a performance and he’d smile this big wide smile at me. And I’d always smile back as if saying _we’ll stand on stage together again. Wait for me._ And then... _”_

The fond gaze was slowly fading.

“Being a temporary group, UNB disbanded.” Hangyul wasn’t smiling that much anymore. “Kijoong went back to the company and we practiced together, just like usual. And of course we were wondering when we’d redebut together. But with MBK in its current condition, it just seemed like a faraway dream. So here comes the opportunity to join Produce and save the company.” His eyes were on Seungyoun, a small smirk on his lips. “And here I am now in Hongdae, about to have dinner with Cho Seungyoun of Uniq.”

“Hey,” Seungyoun said, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks at the sudden teasing.

“The great Woodz himself.”

“Okay, that’s enough—”

“The—”

“Lee Hangyul! Shush, I’m trying to say something.”

That shut him up. Hangyul stared, amusement glinting in his eyes.

“Look.” Seungyoun's gaze was on him, as serious as ever. “You really need to give yourself more credit for what you do. You’re here with Dohyon, hoping to save your company. And you know what? You guys are doing a damn good job so far. You guys are doing your best, giving it your all. And that itself is already enough.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so.”

Hangyul pondered about it for a bit. “And we got to stand on stage again,” he said.

“Exactly. Wait— What."

“Me. Dohyon.” Hangyul had leaned in a bit, giving a light tap on Seungyoun’s chest with the palm of his hand. “You. And all of us. We who had a taste of the stage and yearned for it. We’re back to doing what we love and it feels exhilarating. I’m glad that I got to share that stage with you, hyung. I hope we can do it again. I hope we can debut together.”

Seungyoun was at a loss for words, but he slowly found them. Little by little. “Love Shot was awesome, wasn’t it?”

“It sure was.”

“I just wanted to tell you that you’re doing a great job and everything.”

“I know, hyung. Thank you. I guess I really needed to hear those words.” Hangyul looked relieved, a smile tugging at his lips. “And I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m afraid of not surviving. Of not debuting with the people I went through so much with. With the people I care about so much.”

“So am I. So are all of us. I think eliminations scare the shit out of us all the time.”

That earned him a laugh from Hangyul. “You’re right, hyung.”

“And what _I’m_ trying to say is that we’re in this together. Things didn’t go according to what we hoped in our lives. Now we’re in this crazy and messed up journey that people call Produce. But we’re surviving together. And I want us to keep surviving. I want to stand on stage with you too.”

The band had finished the song and bowed. After a round of applause, the crowd began to disperse. But Seungyoun was looking at Hangyul straight in the eyes, his voice gentle but firm.

“I want to debut with you too, Hangyul.”

* * *

As whatever fate would have it, they survived the second eliminations and were chosen to be in the same team.

And Hangyul’s declaration about Seungyoun becoming center came true. It felt like such a long time ago since they locked eyes across the hallway, as Seungyoun found himself hanging onto his friend’s every word.

Hangyul stuck the center sticker onto Seungyoun’s chest, giving it a couple firm pats. It was like a reassurance.

They were back to working hard again. To surviving.

The days went by, just like that.

* * *

If Seungyoun had to be honest, it felt like falling in love.

The excitement of fleeting glances. How his heart would begin to pound quickly against his chest. How the times spent together was like a breath of fresh air, providing him both comfort and relief.

But he knew that couldn’t be it.

It could simply be a misattribution of his emotions. Seungyoun had read about something called the suspension bridge effect. When crossing a rickety suspension bridge, a person would have a fear of falling. Their heart would start to pound hard. They would have trouble breathing. But they would finally make it to the other end of a bridge, where someone waited for them. Relieved that they were back to safety, they would look at that certain someone, and their intense heartbeats and erratic breathing could be mistaken as something else. It could all be mistaken as the feelings and reactions akin to falling in love.

The theory wasn't limited to literally being on a rickety bridge. It also applied to other situations.

In a way, Seungyoun wondered if that was the case, or at least similar to it. He wasn’t on a bridge, but he was in a situation where he did feel a barrage of emotions— fear, excitement, and many more. Being on a survival show where he would constantly worry about surviving arose all those emotions and physiological reactions.

Lee Hangyul was just simply caught in the storm of it all.

Being with Hangyul brought a sense of serenity to Seungyoun. After a performance, they would congratulate each other and Seungyoun’s heart would pound. (Due to the excitement of the stage, he would tell himself). After surviving the eliminations, they would smile at each other and Seungyoun would find it suddenly difficult to breathe. (It was just because he was relieved and that their ranks rose, he would convince himself.) Those moments and many more.

Everything had a reason. What he thought was emerging feelings could simply be something else. A heat of the moment kind of thing.

Or perhaps it really was _that_. Perhaps, he might have been falling a little.

Seungyoun tried to remember when it all started. When he started feeling this way. Remembering the moments he spent with the other trainee, he vaguely recalled his heart pounding harder than it should be. He vaguely recalled how he smiled so much.

Hangyul had always been eye-catching. With his sharp, attractive facial features and built body, it was hard to look away from him. 

But it was more than that. Hangyul may appear intimidating and cold to some people, but the more Seungyoun got to know him, the more he could confirm that Hangyul was the complete opposite of that. He had always understood not to judge a book by its cover. Hangyul's selflessness, kind heart, friendly attitude, and funny little jokes that they shared together might have been one of the many things that made Seungyoun so drawn to him.

Yet in the end, Seungyoun knew that you never needed a reason to fall for someone. It just... simply happened. Even when you least expected it.

But he knew that this wasn’t the time nor place to think that he might actually be developing feelings for his fellow trainee. He needed to focus. He needed to put all his strength and energy into surviving. He needed to survive.

And it wasn’t just him. _Hangyul_ needed to survive. Any extra emotional baggage would only serve as a distraction. Seungyoun couldn’t risk that. The last thing he wanted was to be a burden to Hangyul.

So he decided to tuck all of those emotions and thoughts in the back of his mind, maybe to touch upon again when things were a little less hectic. And a little less crazy. After all of this, maybe he would think about it and define what it was.

Maybe.

* * *

The dorm room was loud at this time of night.

It wasn’t a surprise. After all, the Move team members weren’t exactly the quietest bunch of people.

Jinhyuk, clad in his Olaf onesie, was going over the choreography near the door. Kookheon was belting out high notes as he practiced his lines. And Byungchan... Byungchan was bent over, giggling madly at some joke that Hyunbin told him. (Or perhaps it wasn’t even a joke. Just unintentionally making Byungchan laugh.)

Seungyoun was sprawled over his bed, letting himself rest. It really did seem like he had an endless supply of energy, but he was human after all. He needed to recharge.

Eventually the room lulled into silence after everyone decided to call it a night and went to their respective beds. The lights had been shut off and one by one they dozed off.

But Seungyoun was still awake, still lying on his back as he mulled over things in his mind. Being a leader meant carrying a lot of responsibility, and he kept thinking of the best ways for them to practice the next day.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as he heard a clicking noise and the sound of the door opening. Seungyoun glanced over to see Hangyul, a silhouette in the dark, walking into the room.

The mattress shifted a little as Hangyul sat at one end of Seungyoun’s bed. “Yo, hyung,” he said, voice a slight whisper.

Seungyoun gave a little wave. “Did you steal snacks from Keum Donghyun again?”

Hangyul gave him a light smack on the knee. “First off, I never stole his snacks. He wanted to share it with me. And second, I just went to see how Dohyon’s doing.”

“How is he?”

“He’s doing fine. He did get kicked out of his team but he’s using that as motivation to do better. He’s more determined than ever.”

Seungyoun grinned. “Sounds just like our Dohyonnie.”

“He’s a tough kid.” Hangyul then patted the spot next to his friend. “Can I sit here for a bit? I wanna straighten my leg.”

Seungyoun could have asked why Hangyul didn’t go to his own bed. But he just nodded, scooting closer to the wall to make room. “How’s your ankle?”

The mattress shifted again as Hangyul climbed onto the bed, sitting down next to him. He stretched out his injured leg. “It’s getting better. You don’t have to worry, hyung.”

“Of course I have to worry. I’m your leader.” A slight pause. “And I’m your friend.”

“Thanks, hyung. But really, it’s getting better.”

Not convinced, Seungyoun said, "Still, you really should get it checked by the doctor again."

"I will. I promise."

“Alright, then.” Seungyoun’s eyes had gotten accustomed to the dark already. Even from his angle, he could see Hangyul’s face, and it looked like the younger trainee was spacing out. He decided to prod a little. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Excited to perform?”

At the familiar question, Seungyoun could see a tug at the corner of Hangyul’s lips. A smile threatening to burst out.

“Very. Very much, hyung.”

“I heard that a lot of eliminated trainees are coming to see us all perform.”

“Yeah. I’m excited to see them.” The smile grew. “My family’s coming too.”

“Wow, really?”

“Well, I dunno if they can come in and watch the performance. But they said they’re coming to the venue in the morning, just outside the building.”

“Aww, that’s sweet. Showing support for their boy.”

“And I kinda hoped for a certain thing.”

“What is it?”

“I’m hoping our performance is explosive enough to make national producers cheer loudly. Really _really_ loud that it can be heard from outside.”

Seungyoun grinned. “So your family can hear?”

Hangyul nodded, a little shyly. “Yeah. If they’ll be out there.”

“I’m sure they’re so proud of you right now. Like, insanely proud.”

That brought out the smile to Hangyul’s face. “I’d give everything for them, hyung. I’d give them the whole world.” He paused, as if his own words had brought out something else— his raw emotions. His thoughts and feelings.

Seungyoun waited patiently, his gaze soft as he stared at his friend.

Finally, Hangyul continued. “They gave me so much. All I want is to give back to them. That’s why I’m working so hard.”

Another pause. A shorter one this time.

“That’s why I want to succeed.”

Seungyoun didn't expect to feel the way he felt right after that. As if zapped by lightning, the words had struck a core in him. As if the words had been taken out of his own mouth, from his own heart. From his every being.

It felt like an epiphany.

All along— probably even for the longest time— Seungyoun saw a reflection of himself in Hangyul. He had seen the way Hangyul kept the worries and fears hidden behind a tough exterior, just like how Seungyoun would do the same by covering it all with a bright smile.

He had seen the disappointment and feelings of hopelessness, of perseverance to push through and not give up. The hardships and losses in their pasts had shaped them into becoming the people they were now.

And now here was the reason why Seungyoun himself kept pushing through. Deep down, there were times when things got a bit too hard. But even when he felt exhausted and tired of the situation he was in, he would always keep on going once he remembered one thing.

His family.

Uniq’s popularity in Korea wasn’t that big. He could sit down and have a beer by the Han River and no one would recognize him. But he wanted to be a son that his parents could be proud of. So he went on Show Me The Money, wanting to show the world who he was.

All the years of not standing on stage had taken a toll on him. But whenever the thought of giving up came to mind, he would remember his parents. And that kept him going. It _always_ kept him going, even until now.

And here was Hangyul, pouring his heart out about his own family.

Feeling shaken, all of the realization of their similarities came rushing in Seungyoun’s mind like a roaring wave. It was as if the wave crashed into a dam, threatening to make it burst. Just like how his own emotions were going to spill right through.

And he would let it spill through.

Seungyoun didn’t use logic or wonder about what he was going to do next. He let himself be guided purely by his emotions and the thoughts that ran in his head.

He slowly sat up on the bed, turned towards Hangyul, and hugged him.

At the sudden contact, Hangyul’s body went stiff for a split second. Then he relaxed, leaning into the touch. His voice was right next to Seungyoun’s ear.

“Hyung?”

“I know you can do it,” Seungyoun said. “Like I said before, you’re doing great. More than great, you know. And you’re gonna make it. I know you will.”

There was a short silence. Then Seungyoun felt arms wrap around him as Hangyul returned the hug.

“You can do it too, hyung. You’ve worked hard up till now. You’ve done well. And knowing you, you’re gonna continue doing well.” Hangyul then patted him on the back. Different from the usual Hangyul smacks that used power, his hands landed gently on his friend’s back. “And I know that you’re gonna make it too.”

Seungyoun was aware that maybe the hug wasn’t just to comfort Hangyul. But it was also for himself. He knew that he also needed to hear those words. He also needed to be reassured.

It may be true that there was no guarantee of making it into the final lineup. But there was the guarantee that they were there for each other and believed in each other. And they were going to do their damn best at surviving.

So he didn’t hesitate to say what was on his mind. Not even a little.

“Let’s debut, Hangyul. Let’s debut together.”

Seungyoun couldn’t see Hangyul’s face but he can sense that the other is smiling.

They had only known each other for a few months, yet it felt as if they had been friends for a lot longer than that. With a trace of fondness and a trace of affection, he patted the back of Hangyul’s head, fingers brushing against soft brown locks. Hangyul had dyed his hair back to brown again— the same color he had when they first met.

Seungyoun then felt his body being pulled closer as Hangyul tightened the hug.

“Let’s debut together, hyung.”

Sometimes, things were expected. Sometimes, they weren’t.

But Seungyoun found out that unexpectedness was alright too. Because along with that unexpectedness came possibilities. He could look at those possibilities as crossroads, leading to different paths in his life. If he chose the correct ones, it would eventually lead him here.

He could have taken the wrong turns. And Hangyul could have walked other paths. Maybe Seungyoun took the path of being an athlete. Maybe Hangyul made it into The Unit’s debut group, and he would never have joined Produce. Maybe if Seungyoun had turned down the offer of joining another survival show. Maybe if Hangyul was adopted by a family far less supportive of a risky career path and dream. All of those alternate possibilities that could have happened. The two of them never would have met.

But they passed by all those crossroads, all those other paths that would have brought them to another possibility. Paths that would not have them meet. But they had kept going forward, meeting each other somewhere in the middle. Maybe even at an intersection. Whatever it was, they were there.

And Seungyoun was glad. He was more than glad that, out of all the possibilities, he unexpectedly met Lee Hangyul.

The hug lasted for a few more heartbeats before they both pulled away. Seungyoun flopped back onto his bed. He grabbed the blanket and tossed it to Hangyul, who caught it and wrapped it around himself. They continued to talk quietly about anything— about lunch, about how practice would be the next day, and simple mundane things unrelated to the survival show. Eventually, they both began to nod off as drowsiness took over. Hangyul let himself fall onto the mattress, mumbling how he was too tired to go to his own bed.

Seungyoun rolled his eyes but let his friend stay. They all needed rest and he was too exhausted to argue about the cramped space. A minute later and Hangyul was already fast asleep beside him, all bundled up in the blanket.

After making sure that his friend’s injured leg was in the right position, Seungyoun laid back down, scooting even closer to the wall so they weren’t too squashed together. At this close proximity, he didn’t need a blanket. The other’s body heat was more than enough.

He glanced at Hangyul, feeling an odd sense of relief to see him sleeping so soundly. The younger trainee had always been the one to appear calm, but now he looked even more at peace than anything.

Seungyoun smiled before closing his eyes too and trying to ignore the rapid beating of his heart. Tomorrow would be another day of working hard, surviving, and the unknown future. That was life.

_But..._

“It’s okay,” he said. It was addressed to both the sleeping boy beside him and himself. “Whatever happens, we’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.”

_It’ll be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, years ago when i was a psychology student learning about the suspension bridge effect: _“damn i wanna use this in one of my stories one day”_
> 
> (it actually goes by another term but i just decided to use this one for simplicity's sake asdfgjkl)
> 
> ___
> 
> The title of this story is inspired by the song that Seungyoun wrote for Idol Producer. You can check it out with the English translations [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8n3iPQvNIys) and also his demo version of it [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN9LeLB4728).
> 
> \--
> 
> Please love and support Cho Seungyoun and Lee Hangyul! They're both hella talented and have been through so much and deserve the world. 
> 
> The final episode is in a few days and I'm so so nervous. I really hope they debut together ㅠㅠ
> 
>   
> ___
> 
> And allow me to drop some links uwu
> 
> * [UNB’s Black Heart performance (with Hangyul)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLqMlVgFgAE)  
> 
> * [Hangyul rocking out with IM66](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kne2ZCOAjB4)  
> 
> * [Seungyoun's song Meaningless (please turn on captions!)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LasHjbH8eY4)  
> 
> * [Seungyoun's cover of Shawn Mendes’s In My Blood](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0kaAFJ2aeU)
> 
> ___
> 
> ((also yes hangyul really was ready to toss his credit card out the dorm for his hyung asdfhjkl istg that kid is too kind and innocent
> 
> and yes, i'm constantly worried about hangyul's injury))
> 
> __
> 
> [EDIT: 13/08/2019] OKAY SO according to [this](https://twitter.com/seungyounah/status/1161266989643399173), Seungyoun was actually an MBK trainee before he went to YG ㅠㅠ he and Hangyul didn't train at the same time though, but this would've been great to add to the story. I'll probably add it in the upcoming chapters.
> 
> ____
> 
> you can find me on twitter where i cry about pdx especially seungyul: [@myday_blackrose](https://twitter.com/myday_blackrose)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but first, I also made a seungyul video which I guess can be accompaniment for this story: [「fmv」seungyoun & hangyul — counting stars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VclZ939UkTg)
> 
> Now onto the story, with a change of POV.

Hangyul was eighteen years old when he had his heart broken.

The crowd was deafening. The cameras rolled. He tried to keep his legs steady as he stood, willing himself to calm down.

He was sure that the worry didn’t show on his face. But he had all the reason to be afraid. Not just Hangyul— the thirty-five other idols around him all had more than enough reason to be anxious as they waited for their fates.

It was the finale of The Unit.

Hangyul shut his eyes, just for a little bit. The last couple hours replayed in his mind like a broken, jaded film. Eighteen boys and eighteen girls had poured onto the stage, including him, to perform the show’s title song. After finishing, they all went backstage to prepare for the next performance.

And that was when it happened.

The current candidates for the ninth rank— the very last rank to make it into the lineup, was announced. Hangyul could hear it all clearly backstage.

His name was called as one of the candidates.

It would be a lie if Hangyul said that he didn’t hope for it. He had more than hoped for it. But he tried to not hope _too much_ , because the voting was still ongoing. He could rise. But he could also fall.

He needed to focus.

A performance with his teammates. After that, a special farewell song with all the contestants.

And then— the announcements. Here he was now, with seventeen boys waiting in anticipation just like him.

IM’s maknae, Kim Kijoong, was tense beside him. Hangyul took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Kijoong squeezed back.

The girls were the first to be announced. Hangyul watched as one by one, the announced idols took their respective seats. As minutes and minutes passed, Kijoong became more skittish.

When it was time for the announcement of the boy’s debuting team, Hangyul felt his heart banging against his chest.

“Hyung,” Kijoong said, voice so faint that Hangyul could have easily missed it. “What if I... What if...”

Hangyul shook his head, ever so slightly. “You’ll make it. I know you will.”

More agonizing minutes passed. Then, Kijoong’s name was announced. Eighth rank. The first member of UNB.

Smiling proudly, Hangyul pulled Kijoong into a hug as the young boy broke down and cried into his shoulder. The other idols gathered around them, words of _congratulations_ and _you did it_ somehow heard over the cheer of the crowd.

It was hard to let go, but Hangyul did. Before Kijoong walked away to give his speech, Hangyul made sure to give him a couple pats on the back.

He had to let go.

Minutes passed as the announcements came to an end. UNB was formed— nine boys, together to pursue their dream.

Hangyul wasn’t one of them.

Like thick white snow on a winter evening, confetti was scattered all over the stage.

Debuting members and eliminated contestants alike, everyone embraced each other, delivering words of comfort and luck. They all had the same dream. Unfortunately, not everyone could have those dreams accomplished here.

Kijoong sat on one end of the stage, staring at the ground as tears streamed down his round cheeks. Hangyul was grinning beside him.

“Hey.” Hangyul threw an arm around Kijoong’s shoulders. “Why are you crying? You made it!”

Holding back a sob, Kijoong answered with a shaky voice. “You— you were supposed to debut with me, hyung.”

Hangyul chuckled. “We already debuted together, silly.”

Kijoong shook his head. “You _know_ what I mean. Redebut! Here. With UNB. With me.”

_It hurt._

Hangyul carefully took in a breath, steadying himself. He wanted to cry. He wanted to let the tears that were threatening to fall— he wanted to let them fall.

But he didn’t. He continued to smile, even when his heart was breaking right there on the spot.

“I'm sorry, Kijoong,” Hangyul finally said. “I couldn’t make it.”

_It hurt so damn much._

It was under the dim lights of the backstage area that Hangyul broke down.

He had made his way to Yuchan— a member of A.C.E. Now, a member of UNB too.

“Hyung, please take care of Kijoong for me,” Hangyul had said. Their eyes locked and full of understanding, Yuchan nodded. Then Hangyul bent down, hiding his face behind his friend’s shoulder.

Facing away from the camera and the other idols, Hangyul cried.

He had hoped. He had hoped so much. But the moment he didn’t see his face on the screen as candidate for the final member, he knew that he couldn’t fool himself anymore.

Yuchan hugged him back, arms warm and reassuring. They stayed like that for a bit, with Hangyul clinging onto Yuchan as if his life depended on it.

* * *

Hangyul was nineteen years old when he was given a second chance.

Every part of him wondered if it was a good idea. But in the end, he realized that it was the _only_ idea left. And frankly, what did he have to lose?

IM had been inactive for the longest time. Even without any official statement of disbandment, Hangyul knew that it was far gone. He and Kijoong were the only remaining members. Every day, they wondered if redebuting was even possible. The other MBK trainees— his friends who had stuck with him all this time, who he had spent countless days and nights in the band practice room with, _who he had hoped to debut with—_ also felt the weight of waiting. It really was too much.

But Hangyul was still holding on.

He had tried to ignore all of the doubts and worries. The days passed by with him wondering if he should continue or stop. He was stuck in between those two choices, trying his best to keep his ground and not budge towards the second option.

Hangyul gritted his teeth and kept going. He kept going until the chance of joining the new season of Produce arrived.

After initial doubts, he grabbed onto the chance. And one hundred days later, he found himself in the finale.

_The crowd was deafening. The cameras rolled. He tried to keep his legs steady as he stood, willing himself to calm down._

The feeling of déjà vu was suffocating.

They had performed the title track. Then the song in teams. Then the farewell song. And now...

The announcements.

Twenty boys stood on raised platforms, all silhouettes in the dark. 

Hangyul shut his eyes. Over an hour ago, his name had been called as one of the candidates for the tenth rank. A candidate for debut. Just like before. Just like last year where he didn’t make it.

The stage was then filled with lights. Hangyul opened his eyes.

It was starting.

Dohyon was in the row in front of him, looking more than a little tense.

In a way, there was one thing that the two MBK boys had in common. They never were the type to cry that easily.

But after Dohyon’s name echoed throughout the hall, the 14-year-old boy burst into tears. Hangyul had jumped down the platform, pulling his labelmate into a hug. He felt Dohyon nuzzle against his neck, just for a little bit, thin arms returning the hug.

It had always been Dohyon that hugged him during announcements. Hangyul would always be called first, and the younger MBK boy would follow him— but at a much higher rank. But now the roles were reversed, and Hangyul was the one congratulating him first.

But that was all, really. The path of their reversed roles would stop there. What were the chances that he would follow Dohyon? What were the chances that they would still be together after all this?

Smiling brightly, he cradled the back of Dohyon’s neck, bending down to see his face clearly.

Hangyul was so proud of him. “Do well,” he said, voice gentle and reassuring. Dohyon nodded, attempting to hold back tears and failing.

He gave Dohyon a couple pats on the back as if saying _go on. Your seat is waiting for you._

Dohyon eventually began making his way to the stage. Once again, Hangyul watched as his maknae walked away.

It was an all too familiar sight.

He tried not to laugh as it dawned on him that this was the eighth rank again. Kijoong had secured it, and now Dohyon.

Maybe he was trapped in some sort of cruel parallel world— where everything happened the same way it did before. Just... a bit differently. And this time, he would have to let go. Again.

Hangyul had prepared himself for this. Of the inevitable goodbyes and heading back to the company all alone.

Then Dohyon, holding the microphone in both hands, called him from across the stage.

“Hyung. Thank you so much.”

The smile not leaving his face, Hangyul tried to reassure Dohyon that everything was alright.

“I know you’ll make it, so don’t worry.”

_No, I won’t._

But he flashed a thumbs up anyway. Until the very end, he would continue to comfort Dohyon.

After Dohyon sat down on the eighth rank seat, another agonizing silence followed. The crowd held their breath, waiting for the next name to be called.

Unexpectedly, Hangyul thought of days that had gone by.

He remembered trying to bring up the mood in the car of the MBK boys. They were on the way to the first filming of Produce X 101.

He remembered the introductions and smiles of the trainees as he met them, not knowing how his life would be tied to many of them as time passed.

He remembered getting injured. Again. Right on the same ankle where he had been injured in The Unit. Back then, despite being on separate teams, Kijoong had run right to him once he heard the news. Hangyul felt guilty back then. He didn’t want to make Kijoong worry. He didn’t want to make others worry about him. Not then, and not now. So even when the pain shot up his leg and throughout his body, he tried not to let it show on his face.

And even until this very second, his ankle still ached.

He remembered a certain moment with Cho Seungyoun— the hyung who he could always trust. The hyung that was always there for him, even when he didn't ask for help. Hangyul had no idea what it was, but he felt calm around Seungyoun. Maybe because the older trainee seemed to carry the whole sun with him, always shining brightly even in the bleakest of moments. And he was funny. Hangyul had always liked people that made him laugh. Seungyoun was the epitome of that.

And as if just by being with him, Hangyul could really believe that everything would be okay.

Which was why he found himself sitting on Seungyoun’s bed that one night, just talking about anything. Being near Seungyoun and hearing his voice made Hangyul feel a sense of relief.

Maybe Hangyul had needed to calm his nerves. Maybe deep down, his excitement of the next performance and what would happen after all that had made him more nervous than ever. And Seungyoun had pulled him into a hug, telling him words he never knew he needed.

He had let his defenses crumble a little bit, knowing that Seungyoun couldn’t see his face as he struggled to hold back tears. And he knew he was being a little selfish when he let himself stay in Seungyoun’s bed, right next to him. But Hangyul felt so comfortable. So calm. So warm. So _safe._ He wanted to stay in that serene state, just for a little longer.

Seungyoun’s face was the last thing he saw before he drifted off to sleep that night.

Hangyul slept soundly. More than he had in a while.

He remembered yesterday.

The day before the finale, they had gathered together again. Seungyoun beside him, Seungwoo and Dongpyo across the table, this time with the addition of Yuvin on his other side.

They were having a meal together at a Pho restaurant. They talked about the random things happening in their lives, all somehow avoiding the topic of tomorrow itself.

But through the laughter and smiles and little jokes, there was the tension in the air. In the end, they knew they couldn’t avoid the conversation.

_“Tomorrow’s the day, huh...”_

_“Time passed by real quick, didn’t it?”_

_“We made it this far.”_

_“Good luck to us all.”_

_“Even if we don’t make it, it’s not the end.”_

_“Let’s not lose touch after all this is over. No matter what the results are.”_

_“I’m glad to have met you guys.”_

Hangyul remembered those words the most. They echoed in his head even as they finished eating, even after they all climbed into Seungyoun’s car, even when Hangyul kept his eyes on the window to see the buildings pass by, even when he was unaware of a certain someone who had glanced at him in the rear-view mirror, even when he fell asleep that night.

He felt uneasy for the next day. But he was determined to face it without regrets.

He remembered his heart pounding _hard_ as he waited backstage just a few hours ago, along with the other 101 trainees.

They were going to perform X1-MA. For most of them, it would be the last time they performed it. The song had stuck with them for so long, and whether they liked it or not, had become part of their identity throughout the show.

Hangyul knew that he would be nervous. It was impossible to _not_ be nervous. But this was different. Everything was more intense— from his heartbeat, from the way his hands slightly trembled, from how he tried to breathe normally. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he was scared. His life might as well change after this, or he might just return to the company and continue his life before Produce. Before all this.

“Hey.”

Drawn from his thoughts, Hangyul turned to see Seungyoun standing beside him, gentle eyes on him.

“Hey,” Seungyoun said again, this time waving a hand in front of the other boy’s face. “You’re spacing out.”

“Just trying to relax,” Hangyul replied, keeping his voice steady. “Don’t worry. I’m focused.”

Seungyoun smiled. It was one of those warm, bright, and reassuring smiles that made Hangyul feel a whole lot better. “I know you are. But I’m nervous as hell.”

“You look calm enough, hyung.”

With a slight shake of his head, Seungyoun took a step forward until they were face to face. Without a word, he took Hangyul’s hand, uncurling the fingers.

Hangyul’s eyes slightly widened as Seungyoun guided his hand, placing the palm right over the older trainee’s chest.

Feeling the erratic thumping of Seungyoun’s heart underneath his fingers, Hangyul looked up to see his friend’s gaze right on him.

“Calm?” Seungyoun then said, his voice quiet. It was as if he didn’t want others to hear, as if the conversation and moment was just for the both of them. Perhaps it was. “Nah. I’m _terrified._ Hangyul, I’m _fucking terrified.”_

Seungyoun’s hand was warm over his. Hangyul found himself counting the hard, clear heartbeats. One. Two. Three.

Four—

“We have no idea what’ll happen to us next,” Seungyoun said, still smiling. “We worked so hard for this. And right now, I’m scared shitless out of my mind. But I’m accepting that terror as it is. There’s nothing shameful in admitting that it’s there.”

Hangyul had lost count. But he was sure of the continuous beat of Seungyoun’s heart, hard enough that he was sure it’d burst right out of his friend’s chest.

“In fact, I’m using that terror as a drive to push through.”

With those last words, Seungyoun gave him one last smile before beginning to lower their hands.

But Hangyul didn’t want to let go. Not yet. Seungyoun’s words had gotten into him, and he thought that perhaps it would be okay to be a little weak. Just for once. Just for this moment.

Hangyul leaned forward, bending down till his forehead rested against Seungyoun’s shoulder. He kept his hand where it was— and maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him— but the older trainee’s heart had begun to thump even harder. Even faster.

Shutting his eyes, Hangyul just stayed there for a bit. Maybe his hand was trembling. Maybe his breathing was ragged. But he let the vulnerability slip through the cracks.

As Seungyoun said, it was okay to accept the terror that they felt. For a few seconds, Hangyul didn’t hear and see the world around them. He found calmness in the dark. He found calmness in being with Seungyoun. In the feeling of Seungyoun’s hand over his.

“I’m scared, hyung.”

Hangyul’s voice was barely a whisper. It felt like a deep, dark secret that he didn’t want anyone else to hear. But he wanted Seungyoun to know. Just Seungyoun.

He felt a gentle hand cradle the back of his neck. He finally opened his eyes, letting out a shaky sigh as Seungyoun held him close.

“It’s okay to be scared,” Seungyoun said, just as gently. “We’re only human.”

Hangyul’s mind felt much clearer. He was ready to face it all.

By the time the staff informed them that they all had to standby, Hangyul was sure.

He was ready.

And here, right at the stage as Dongwook prepared to announce the seventh rank, Hangyul waited without hoping. He had given up. He had let go.

“I’ll now announce the seventh-place trainee.”

The audience held their breath as Dongwook’s voice echoed throughout the venue.

“During the _Boy_ performance today, this trainee showed off his boyish charms and swirled the hearts of national producers.”

Hangyul wondered how he would comfort Dohyon after this. How he would say sorry.

“He received 794,411 votes in total.”

It was as if the world had darkened right in front of his eyes, the colors draining away. There was a ringing in his ears, and everything else became muffled. He could hear his own voice clearly in his head as his thoughts wandered.

 _You be a good boy now,_ he would tell Dohyon. _Don’t cause trouble for your hyungs. Remember to eat your meals and get enough sleep. Call me when you can, tell me how your day was. And have fun taking over the world because I know you’ll be bigger than ever. Do your best in school too, even with all the busy schedules. And... I’ll miss you. I’ll really miss you. I know that I never really show it, but I care a whole lot about you, Dohyon-ah._

He would also need to ask the debuted boys to look after Dohyon for him. He wondered how he would tell his mother and father how everything would be alright, even if he had failed again. Of course his parents would tell him that it was okay, that he had tried his best and that was all that mattered. Just like they did last time.

And he would return to his usual days of practicing. He would have to endure, telling himself that something was waiting for him somewhere in the future. He would—

“MBK’s Lee Hangyul!”

It took a few seconds. He was frozen there on the spot, the world seeming to stop as well.

Another second later, the colors came rushing back. As if emerging from a haze, he began to see and hear everything clearly.

Over the roaring of the crowd, he realized that Wonjin was shaking him. Tony enveloped him in a hug. Wooseok was suddenly there by his side, talking and grinning. All the trainees had crowded around him, words of congratulations endlessly being sent his way.

A few more heartbeats passed as he finally began to process the whole thing.

His legs felt like they would collapse at any moment. But he finally began to walk with Seungwoo tugging on his arm to guide the way, his fellow trainees making way as they cheered for him.

Seungyoun was waiting for him there on the lower platform, the biggest smile on his face.

And Hangyul was sure his heart would burst out of his chest. Seeing Seungyoun somehow snapped him out of his daze. The realization that _he made it_ had finally washed all over him. The confusion was chased away.

Hangyul made it. _He made it._

The crowd’s cheers were clearer and louder. And as he took step after step, Seungyoun’s bright face became more and more clear.

Hangyul knew he was smiling like crazy as he wrapped his arms around Seungyoun, hugging him tighter than ever, being embraced just as tightly in return. And perhaps Hangyul even let himself fall a little as he stepped down onto the platform below, knowing that Seungyoun would support his weight and not let him stumble. Because Seungyoun was Seungyoun, and Hangyul could always trust him.

And before he made his way to the stage where his seat waited for him, he clasped Seungyoun’s hand one last time. When he let go, he hoped it wouldn’t be the last time they held hands.

His mother was crying. Dohyon was crying. But they were happy and relieved tears, and Hangyul did all that he could to keep his voice steady as he delivered his winning speech.

Two ranks later, Seungyoun joined him. Hangyul had jumped to his feet, cheering loudly.

Both relief and raw emotions coursing through his veins, Hangyul watched as Seungyoun delivered _his_ winning speech.

To add to their list of similarities (as if it wasn’t long enough already), Seungyoun had not expected to make it either. But they made it. They _both_ made it. They were going to debut together, just like they had hoped and wished for.

And as Seungyoun climbed his way up the stairs, towards the boys, Hangyul was already looking forward to the next five years.

It seemed too good to be true. Even when they had both sat down in their respective sofa seats, Hangyul turned around, glancing up to see Seungyoun sitting there. He was really there. _This was all real._

The older of the two glanced down, their eyes meeting, the biggest and brightest smile making its way to his face.

Seungyoun shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe it either.

They had both made it.

By the end of it all, Hangyul decided that _it’s okay to show your vulnerable side. It’s okay to cry._

He was relieved that he was debuting— after all the years of hurting both mentally and physically. It was a mixture of that relief and also the suffocating pain that he had to say goodbye to his friends.

It was only yesterday when Yuvin cracked jokes beside him as they ate. And it was Jinhyuk, along with Seungyoun, who had stayed by Hangyul’s side as he took his first steps towards the stage upon having his name announced.

This was what Kijoong probably felt when he had to let Hangyul go. It hurt more than Hangyul had ever imagined.

Relief and hurt— maybe those were the two things that finally made Hangyul break down. And this time, he didn’t try to hold it back. He let the world blur as the tears filled his eyes, as the confetti fell around him, as his friends embraced him and the cheers of the crowd continued and never stopped.

 _Ah,_ he thought. _The confetti looks like snow falling from the sky. Just like all those months and months ago._

But they had fallen on a different stage. A different time. And this time, he had a different ending.

This time, he was debuting.

“Hey, Incheon boy. How does it feel to have your debut announced in your own hometown?”

Seungyoun’s voice was gentle and warm as always. They were in the waiting room, a few trainees (or ex-trainees, to be precise— since this was all over) still roaming around as they gathered their belongings.

Produce X 101 was over. Everyone was going home. Just like that.

“It feels great,” Hangyul answered, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He had already changed back into his t-shirt and jeans, and Seungyoun was back in his casual clothes as well. “Feels more than great.”

Seungyoun’s eyes were still red and slightly puffy. He had cried hard and long, Hangyul knew. And he knew that his own eyes were still red as well. He tried not to think about it.

Hangyul decided to ask back. “How does redebuting feel like, Mr. Cho Seungyoun?”

“Well,” Seungyoun said. “I feel alive. Excited. Exhilirated.” He then let out a dramatic sigh. “Though it’s quite a bummer that Dohyon had to leave before we had our first bow as X1.”

“You should’ve seen the look on Dohyon’s face when I finally went to him,” Hangyul replied with a chuckle. “He was waiting backstage and he was pouting and his hands were both balled into fists.”

“No way, that is _so_ cute.”

“He’s still a 14-year-old baby. No babies allowed at this time of night. Rules are the rules.” Then Hangyul closed his mouth. Something had dawned on him.

It might have shown on his face, because Seungyoun said, “What is it?”

Hangyul couldn’t help the smile blossoming on his lips. “Five years is a long time, hyung. We’re really going to see Dohyon grow up. We’ll see him graduate middle school, then enter high school. And we’ll see him graduate high school too.”

“College admission ceremony too, maybe,” Seungyoun continued. He was grinning widely.

“If he decides to go to college right after. But I’ll support him on whatever choice he makes.”

“Look at us discussing Dohyon’s future plans.”

“He only deserves the best, hyung.”

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. I freaking love that kid.” Hangyul then paused as he processed his own words. “Don’t tell him I said that.”

“I guess I could use it as blackmail against you.”

“Hyung!”

Seungyoun laughed. “Alright, alright. Don’t worry, I won’t say any of this to our Dohyonnie.”

Hangyul let out a sigh of relief, afterwards surprised that his breath came out so loudly. He glanced around to find that the room was already empty except for the two of them. No wonder he sounded so loud— the whole room was silent albeit the faint noises of people shuffling past outside the slightly open door.

“By the way, hyung.” He turned back to look at Seungyoun. “I’m looking forward to try your cooking.”

Seungyoun blinked. “What—”

“The dorm will have a kitchen, of course. It doesn’t matter if I’m not allowed to leave the dorms this time, because you’ll be stuck there with me. You said you would cook me something. So I’ll be looking forward to that.”

“Oh my god, Hangyul.”

“You got my expectations high, by the way. You said you were damn good at cooking. So you better not disappoint me.”

Seungyoun laughed— it was bright and filled with so much _joy_ that it surprised Hangyul. He had never heard Seungyoun’s voice sound so soft and warm as the older of the two said the next words.

“Lee Hangyul, you really are something.”

It surprised him more when Seungyoun took a step forward, closing the small distance between them.

Hangyul didn’t know how to react. He more or less froze as Seungyoun began to lift his hands and bend down to match their height.

He felt Seungyoun’s warm hands cupping both sides of his face, and at this point he was sure that he was holding his breath. He didn’t know what for.

Eyes widening as Seungyoun leaned in, Hangyul was positive that his brain shut down right there.

But Hangyul was freaking out over nothing. Seungyoun let their foreheads lightly bump into each other, then he stayed still like that with his eyes closed.

“You’re right,” the older of the two finally said. “Five years _is_ a long time. And I’m looking forward to it. A lot.”

Hangyul reminded himself that Seungyoun was just as random as himself. He really shouldn’t be surprised by how unpredictable Seungyoun could be. He wasn’t even sure what he had expected.

But this... this was nice. Hangyul closed his eyes and let out another sigh, and it felt like he was letting out his previous worries and burdens. Now, he could look forward to the future. “We’re gonna debut together, hyung.”

Seungyoun nodded, their noses lightly brushing against each other as he did so. “Yup.”

“We’ll stand on stage together. A lot.”

“Yup.”

“I’m glad, hyung.”

“Me too, Hangyul. Me too.”

“Seungyoun-hyung.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for not giving up.”

There was a silence and all Hangyul could hear was Seungyoun’s slightly shaky breathing, as if the latter was trying to compose himself. Seungyoun’s thumb then shifted a little, caressing the younger boy’s cheek.

Hangyul knew about the struggles in Seungyoun’s past. He knew about the darkest and lowest point in Seungyoun’s life. He knew that if things went differently, if giving up had been the final choice, Seungyoun might not be here in front of him.

And Hangyul couldn’t imagine his days without Seungyoun. It hurt to imagine a world without Cho Seungyoun— his life without Cho Seungyoun.

The older of the two finally nodded, hands still as gentle as ever. “And thank _you,_ Hangyul, for not giving up.”

And Seungyoun knew about Hangyul’s past as well.

Feeling suddenly choked up and unable to form words, Hangyul nodded. He leaned into Seungyoun’s touch as if to reassure himself (and perhaps Seungyoun) that they were both here, at this moment, with each other.

They both opened their eyes as Seungyoun slowly pulled away, hands dropping to his sides. He flashed another smile. “Sorry about that. Dunno what came over me. I guess I’m just a bit too happy and relieved.”

Hangyul realized that his cheeks were burning. Probably because Seungyoun’s hands were so warm. “That’s alright, hyung.”

Seungyoun had grabbed onto his own bag, slinging it over his shoulder. “Oh, and... Hangyul...”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll cook your damn food. It’ll be mind-blowing.”

There was only a slight pause before Hangyul answered. “It better be.”

He had tried to keep a serious face, but with Seungyoun grinning at him with the usual Seungyoun grin, he let out a laugh.

Hangyul always seemed to laugh easily and lightly when he was around Seungyoun. It was hard to believe that he would be feeling the same way for the next five years. It really, _really_ sounded too good to be true.

“Alrighty, then,” the older of the two finally said, holding back a giggle. He gestured towards the door. “Let’s go home.”

The walk down the hallway was different than usual. It didn’t feel like a plain, bland hallway with its plain, bland floors. It was as if Hangyul was walking on something much more than that. Each step that he took would bring him closer to what the future held for him. Closer to his dream and seeing it all unfold little by little.

And the outside air felt even fresher than ever as he made his way through the exit. He had said goodbye to Seungyoun a few minutes earlier with promises of _see you later_.

This time, the promises would not be broken. They had enough of unfulfilled promises before in their lives.

And now, whatever the future threw at them, they would go through it together. Whether it be good or bad.

Everything really would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE ACTUALLY DEBUTING TOGETHER *SOBS* THEY’VE WORK SO HARD FOR THIS, I’M IN TEARS.
> 
> SEUNGYUL WITH THEIR KID DOHYON FOR FIVE WHOLE BEAUTIFUL YEARS. A BLESSING. ㅠㅠ
> 
> ____
> 
> This story will still continue and follow Seungyoun and Hangyul’s journey as X1 members. I’m not sure how many chapters there will be, if it’s gonna be a short story or a long ass ride, but there will be proper closure at the end of it all.
> 
> (I like writing slow burn, okay.)
> 
> Don’t forget to love and support X1 when they debut, along with the other eliminated trainees in their own activities too!
> 
>   
> (((you can find me on twitter where i cry about seungyul and pdx boys a lot: [@myday_blackrose](https://twitter.com/myday_blackrose))))
> 
> And of course, thank you so much for reading ♥


	3. Chapter 3

If Seungyoun could take a photograph of memories, this would be one of them.

Falling in love wasn't a sudden realization that came with a big, phenomenal moment. It came in small amounts, in subtle ways. At first he wouldn't realize it because it felt like a natural thing. Like a habit.

Just like a pile of leaves on an autumn day. How individual leaves wouldn’t be noticed, but once they piled up on top of each other, getting bigger and bigger, he would slowly and eventually realize it was there. Its existence and presence became so big that it was impossible to overlook.

And if it was like autumn leaves, the pile would become so big that it would begin to spill and fall, scattered about. Just like how he couldn’t contain his own feelings anymore.

Or maybe it was like a pile of snow. How at first it would bring in a sense of wonder— just like the first snowfall. But as the time passed, one became used to it. They would see it everywhere, in small or large amounts, in different forms. Identical to seeing snow spread across the ground like a soft blanket, one would feel their feelings always present. But when seeing an abundance of it, like a pile of snow on a café rooftop, and snow covering every inch of a city, they would be constantly reminded of how beautiful it was.

Rather than a single spectacular moment, it was the little moments that made Seungyoun realize. The slow, subtle moments. Maybe it was because those moments gave him the time and space to think properly, with no other reasoning behind his smiles and urge to hug the other boy. There wasn’t the exhilaration of finishing a performance. There wasn’t the relief of making it up the ranks and surviving. None of those intense feelings that he had focused on were the cause of how he felt now.

Such as _this_ moment— which really should have been something small, something _normal—_ that meant so much to him.

_He really wished he could photograph it in his mind._

They were decorating their room. Moving into the dorm had been hectic at first, with piles of boxes all over. But after they had those sorted, it was time for something that Seungyoun had been looking forward to.

Decorating.

He really thought it wouldn’t be much. Just some small things here and there to add a nice, pleasant vibe to the room. But for his roommate, it was more than a little fascinating.

“Careful, hyung,” Hangyul said, holding onto the chair to make sure it stayed in place. Seungyoun stood on top of it, and when the chair shook just a tiny bit, Hangyul had been quick to grab onto it.

“Don’t worry about me,” Seungyoun answered with a grin. He pressed his hands against the _La La Land_ poster again, making sure it was taped nicely to the wall. Once he was sure it was secured, he carefully jumped off the chair, hearing Hangyul’s sharp intake of breath before he landed safely.

“What’s next, hyung?”

Seungyoun made his way across to room to grab something from his bed. It looked like a large, white banner, with bold capital letters on it. He walked back to Hangyul, where he stood next to the wall.

“This,” Seungyoun said, spreading the banner out for his roommate to see. “This one’s a bit big, so we’ll have to put it up together.”

And it really _was_ huge, with Seungyoun having to stretch his arms out for the whole thing to be seen.

_“So...”_ Hangyul mumbled, trying to read out the letters. _“Sois...”_

With perfect pronunciation, Seungyoun said with a smile, _“Sois belle à ta façon._ It’s French.”

Hangyul always seemed to be fascinated when hearing him speak another language. He glanced up from the letters, his big and curious eyes focused on Seungyoun. “What does that mean?”

Seungyoun had not expected that question. But he found his heart starting to beat harder as he answered.

_“Be beautiful in your own way.”_ Maybe his cheeks were warming up a little. “That’s what it means.”

“Wow, you know French too.”

“Well, I at least wanted to know what the words meant before I bought this.”

“Well, this room’s gonna be beautiful in its own way once we’re done decorating it.” Hangyul walked to his side and grabbed one end of the banner. “Let’s get this up. Shall we, Mr. Cho?”

Their shoulders touching, Seungyoun nodded. “Let’s.”

It was a slight struggle. They hung the banner right over their desk, thus it being in the way. In retrospect, they should have pushed the desk aside first but moving the laptop and stuff on it seemed like a hassle.

And it was fun. As they both kept their balance on their own separate chairs, holding the banner against the wall, Seungyoun glanced to his side to look at Hangyul.

Hangyul’s mouth was slightly open, his eyes seeming to shine. How he would always look whenever he was in a situation that made him happy or in awe. Like an excited little puppy.

It was cute.

Seungyoun couldn’t help but smile. Maybe he was staring for a bit too long, a bit lost in the sight of the other boy beside him. Hangyul didn’t notice, focusing his gaze on the banner to make sure it wasn’t crooked.

Maybe Seungyoun really was staring for too long.

But then Hangyul slammed his hand against the wall with _loud_ smacks, securing the banner in its position. Hangyul and his brute strength that he didn’t control at times. That made Seungyoun almost jump, snapping him back to the task at hand.

Seungyoun gave his own end of the banner a couple pats. Then they both climbed down from the chairs, scrutinizing their work.

“Looks good,” Hangyul concluded, after seconds of examination.

“Yeah. It compliments the yellow paint of the wall.” Seungyoun gave a firm nod and cleared his throat. “Okay, just a little more.”

The clock ticking accompanied them as they continued. Minutes later and the walls were decorated with more posters, like a blank canvas that was finally painted on.

As he observed their work, Hangyul wiped his forehead with his sleeve, as if their small efforts and movements were tiring enough. But then again, Hangyul was the type to sweat easily. But he looked more than pleased, the smile on his face showing how satisfied he was.

“And now,” Seungyoun said, looking forward to seeing the younger boy’s reactions. “Time for the finishing touch.” He gestured towards the door, right next to the light switch. “Hangyul, could you turn off the lights for me? And close the door too.”

“Right.”

In his excitement, Hangyul practically jogged to his appointed position. Seungyoun himself went to another end of a room, to where he had placed a special lamp.

“Door’s closed! Ready, hyung!”

“Okay, shut them off!”

Hangyul literally slammed his hand on the light switch, as if it was a button on one of those quiz shows. With the curtains closed as well, the room was plunged into darkness.

Then Seungyoun switched on the lamp, and soon blue light emitted from it, flooding through the darkness and filling the entire room. Along with the decorations on the wall, it was a pleasant, calming ambience.

Hangyul’s mouth was open in awe again, eyes wide and glancing around as he walked towards the source of the blue light. Seungyoun smiled as Hangyul got closer.

“Okay,” Hangyul finally said, coming to a stop in front of his roommate. “This is pretty cool.”

“Right?”

“Yeah.”

And Hangyul kept looking around, gaze fixed on one part of the room before moving to the other. His eyes seemed to twinkle, his lips curled at the edges as he smiled.

And seeing Hangyul underneath the soft blue lights, with the colors dancing on his face, Seungyoun wished he could take a photograph— of Lee Hangyul and of this moment— and make sure that he kept it safe in his memory. If only there was a way to capture his exact emotions, so that he would be able to experience it all again.

But Seungyoun knew that the memory would elicit those emotions again. Or at least a glimmer of it. And he knew that this... _this_ memory was something that he would always hold onto.

His feelings had been piling up for so long that it no longer came as a surprise to him. It wasn’t a sudden realization that caused his head to spin, to shake his world, to take the breath out of his lungs in that single moment. Instead, it came in small amounts. Like the leaves of an autumn day. Like the snow that piled up on top of cafés and buildings. Making him realize it little by little across time, not in an overwhelming way.

It was a warm feeling. It was a comforting feeling. It was a _coming home_ sort of feeling.

Seungyoun was in love. And the boy of his affections stood right in front of him.

Hangyul had finished admiring the room and turned to look at him, his eyes still bright.

If he had caught Seungyoun staring, he didn’t say anything about it. But his mouth closed, the smile still on his face. They stared at each other for what felt like a lifetime.

Seungyoun began to lift his hand. Like an impulse. He didn’t know what he was going to do. Maybe it was to hold Hangyul’s hand. Or to cup his cheek. Or to pull him closer. But what Seungyoun knew was that he began to reach for something. Something that took him a while to realize what it was, but now he knew. He knew very well.

Then the door slammed open with a loud _BANG_ , and Dohyon’s ear-splitting dolphin screech filled the room.

_“Oh my god, oh my god! Why is it so dark? I'm scared!”_

Another small voice joined, letting out another shriek. But it was an excited one. “Wow, this is cool!”

After Seungyoun flinched like crazy, he instinctively withdrew his hand, scratching the back of his neck and looking the other way.

It was Dohyon and Dongpyo, two silhouettes in the doorway. Dongpyo was quick to run into the room, glancing around and letting out exclamations of awe.

Seeing the little boy’s antics, Hangyul let out a chuckle. “What do you think, Dongpyo?”

“Hyung, the room’s so cool! Seriously!” Dongpyo clutched his tiny hand to his chest. As if his legs had given out, he flopped onto Hangyul’s bed. “It’s like a café!”

“Well, that was the concept we were aiming for.” Hangyul grinned and nudged Seungyoun in the side. “Right, hyung?”

Seungyoun cleared his throat. But he was back to smiling again, seeing Dongpyo rolling around on the bed. “Yup. Glad you think it’s cool.” He then glanced at the doorway. “Come in, Dohyon-ah. There aren’t any monsters lurking in the shadows.”

“Or ghosts,” Hangyul chimed in.

“Hyung, that just makes me even more scared!” Dohyon wailed. All the same, the tall boy began to take careful steps into the room. And just like Dongpyo, but at his own pace, he began to admire the room. “Okay, this _is_ pretty cool.”

Dongpyo climbed to his feet. “Oh, right. Seungwoo-hyung said that dinner’s ready and to get you guys!”

“That’s right!” Dohyon screeched. Without a second of hesitance, he grabbed Seungyoun and Hangyul’s hands. “I’m really really hungry so let’s go!”

Dongpyo took another glance around the room before he zipped out the door. Dohyon followed suit, pulling the other two with him.

Seungyoun let out a laugh, keeping up with Dohyon’s rapid pace. A laugh full of nothing but pure joy. He glanced at Hangyul, seeing the same smile on his roommate's face.

Feeling the other’s gaze, Hangyul turned to look at him. They were running down a hallway, a complete mess, and Hangyul’s bright eyes and bright smile made him feel more at home than ever.

From somewhere at the end of the hallway, Seungwoo’s voice was heard over their loud footsteps.

_“Come on, kids! Dinner!”_

“We’re coming, hyung!” Dohyon called back, fastening their pace.

Other voices and chattering could be heard from the room that awaited them. A room where all eleven of them would gather— to have dinner, to share stories, to spend time together and be with each other.

And it all felt like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, everyone. first, i want to apologize for not continuing this story before. i really did have a lot planned for it (had tons of stuff in my notes and everything), but with the whole mess happening to the produce series, it made my heart hurt so much that it was hard for me to write a canon-compliant story. even though i never planned to write about the r*gging itself, it was still difficult.
> 
> though days before the d*sbandment, i was ready to write again. but then the 6th of january happened.
> 
> this chapter is a scene that would have been in the full story, though it would have been written a bit differently. after mbk boys' vlive, i just knew that i had to write something.
> 
> i hope that this little writing of mine can bring some sort of comfort for you all. 
> 
> ____
> 
>   
> it's really been rough huh, one-its? when the news of d*sbandment came out, i cried hard and thought "was it all really too good to be true?"
> 
> but along with one-its, i got back up to fight for x1.
> 
> one-its, let's continue to fight for the boys. we can all see how they want to stay together.
> 
> dohyon saw our rebranding project and thanked us. hangyul told us that the x1 members are still keeping close contact with each other, and if there are any news, they would let us know.
> 
> so let's continue to fight for them :)
> 
> you can check out the projects for x1's reboot/rebranding on these twitter accounts:  
> @WingsForX1  
> @X1_ALLIANCE  
> @GLOBAL_X1  
> @support_ourboys  
> 
> 
> ____
> 
> and don't forget to send comforting and encouraging messages to the boys on their instagram accounts! :)
> 
> seungyoun: woodz_dnwm  
> hangyul & dohyon: official_pocketdolz (hangyul personal ig: lee_gyul_gyul)  
> seungwoo: w_o_o_y_a  
> yohan: y_haa.n  
> wooseok: woo.ddadda  
> minhee: min_h.ee  
> eunsang: 2eunsang_official
> 
> (will update if the other boys make their own ig accounts, but in the meantime you can find them on their company twitter accounts and fancafe.)
> 
> and if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, feel free to send me a dm on twitter: @myday_blackrose
> 
> ____
> 
> my dear one-its, together we're strong! the boys need us so let's do our very best for them! ❤


End file.
